Letting myself relax and let go isn't something that comes all that easily to me. A vacation like this one in Nice is strategic even if I feel guilty about the extravagance of a second European vacation this year. Out of the country is extraordinarily helpful because I have limited access to voicemail, e-mail, internet and the distractions of home and work. Being out of my normal space not speaking the language and being immersed in something that is relaxing and outside of my comfort zone helps me see through a new clearer lens. A beach town is a major plus because laying in the sun near the lapping salt water has immensely calming effects on my spirt. I'm actually doing a whole lot of nothing, or at least what feels much like nothing. Lazily lying on the beach, eating light southern Italian inspired faire, drinking fresh rose, and walking until my legs cry no more is allowing my soul the much needed space to reset it's self. It's comforting to know that for at least 2 and a half more days there's nothing more that must be accomplished aside from maybe consuming an ice-cream cone and I'm thinking my next one will be chocolate gelato in a waffle cone.
I hadn't realized how tightly wound I've been until dinner last night sitting in a cafe slightly zoning out and feeling fully content, not a single "to-do" nagging away within my brain. I found for the first time in ages I wasn't worried about what work I'd left undone, I was simply sitting and having dinner. I didn't even have to rush through it or worry about how late it had gotten. I've become so relaxed that it wasn't a big deal when i realized I was completely lost when walking home from the restaurant. I could even laugh about it because i knew eventually I'd find my way back and I could sleep in the following morning (and I did) if it took a long time to meander back to the hotel.
Nice was a top choice when I was thinking about a get away because I couldn't pair it with an art class, yoga workshop or some other form of learning (which is something I tend to fill my time away with. Those things are all great, but they don't give me time to recharge. I tend to schedule myself ragged even on the weekends in real life and I wanted to gift myself days of nothing to do. Busy is something I'm trying to stop being, but that's not always easy. I find it's a balancing act, there seems to be a place for me of just enough tension. On one side of the weighted scales are the self care items from little to big, and on the other side of the scale are all of the work things. It's a balancing act and when one gets too heavy it throws the whole scale out of whack. I've been really out of whack this year feeling the tug that only a new job can bring and wondering if the choices I've been making recently have been the right ones. I think this trip is really bringing clarity to that.