Some times dreams don't work out the way you planned them. It's a combination of things. Not enough time and not enough capitol. There was a need for more resources that I didn't have, so instead I stretched myself to the limit and I stretched my business partner and we stretched our own budgets and it left us depleted in more ways than one. I've had a lot of folks ask me how I feel about it? The answer is mixed emotions. Relief, exhaustion, sadness, frustration, thankfulness, excitement about what's next, the feelings of failure and loss, contentment knowing that the studio and it's legacy are in really good hands. All of those things. All at once.
The single hardest thing I've done in my adult life has been to open and run Greensboro Downtown Yoga. It was a gamble to sign a three year lease and create a schedule, then hope, wish and pray people showed up and wanted to take classes from us. It was a gamble for so many reasons. I wasn't quitting my day job so that meant I worked two full time jobs. I had no extra capitol to invest and when I started I did it alone, no business partner. I've learned so much. I've felt the love of teachers at the studio, the community who took classes with us and supported us. I was blessed to watch the business grow to where it is now. Hindsight provides a prospective that is at once clear and frustrating all at the same time, it also gives you a fearlessness that you wouldn't have had when you started. I can say things like of course I should have quit my full time job. Of course I should have taught more classes myself, the list of should haves is three pages long. It's easy to make suggestions with space or when you're on the outside looking in.
At this very moment sitting in my living room still fighting the tail end of a cold, having gotten up before 5am to teach class and pumping myself full of caffeine I'm looking forward to not having something I must do before work, or on the weekends. I can't imagine I'll stay away from teaching yoga too long, but I'm very much looking forward to not getting emergency e-mails the day of from yoga teachers saying they can't teach their class. I'm looking forward to hopefully not getting sick every other month because I have too much on my plate to juggle. I'm sure I'll be able to write a more thoughtful post about this and what I've learned after a month or two of rest, a month digesting and working on letting go. At this very moment I feel stretched past my limit and I'm relieved to see what it feels like to work only one job and only have the responsibility of me.
At least for now because I have learned that at my core I'm an entrepreneur.
Greensboro Downtown Yoga is what I worked the hardest on in the last 4 years of my life. I had hoped that it might sustain me enough that I could quit the day job, but I never was able to bring it to that point. It's a chicken or the egg conundrum that ended up bringing me lots of life lessons and gray hairs. This feels at once like a major failure and a great success, it is both.
I created the studio from nothing and for that I'm proud, there were many lessons learned that I'll write about another day. It's now in very good, capable, even better hands and I'm excited to see what the next season of life for Greensboro Downtown Yoga will become. A season of life that will move forward without me at the helm.