Trading Certainty for Joy

Don't Be a Tourist in Paris by Messy Nessy

I traded certainty for joy on the road of life.  It’s true all roads lead home and eventually we all end up in the same place, but today and all this year I’ve chosen the unpaved, rocky, bumpy, pothole filled road I’m on now.  It’s feral and unmanicured like me these days but this road leads to the best surfing spot, to healing rainbows, green grove paths down to cold waterfalls and vibrant orange and red sunsets. 

My life feels like one long Costa Rican road into Nosara.  I’m not sure what potholes or bumps along the path I’ll hit, but I wouldn’t choose any other way into my new life.  Every day it’s an unexpected adventure or pit stop but I’m sure I’m on the right path and the scenery couldn’t be a more nourishing backdrop.  I can’t get Nosara out of my head and I keep thinking about the roads there, and how they feel like a metaphor for the wild and joyful path I’ve chosen, the choice to let go of conventional thinking, working and living.  Risking everything for this new life I’ve chosen is a daily practice in living wholeheartedly in spite of fear.  By choosing the risks of living an unconventional life, I’m hoping the reward will be an extraordinary one. 

In the spirit of letting go of convention last week I went to see what I would call my spiritual therapist, my medicine women Sky.  Sky reminded me that I need to be my own best client and I’m heeding that advice with diligence and care.  The weeks or days I’m not out traveling are a blur of blog posting, catching up with friends in Greensboro, attending to business details, meeting with clients and planning, endless planning.  It’s easy here to forgo my run in order to see a friend who I feel like I’ve neglected or spend just one more half an hour writing which always turns into 2 before I realize I’ve lost the window for the run or the yoga all together.  I’m reminding myself I’m completely in charge now.  I don’t have to work myself to the bone, I get to schedule my run and keep my appointment with myself.  It’s time to let go of guilt because it won’t serve me on this road.

Today I took more of my own medicine and went to an appointment I booked with Sky to heal some emotional wounds of the past.  I’m certain that the more healed, and grounded I am the better I’ll be able to serve those I work with. I know that if I keep walking around in this world making decisions and choices the way I’ve always made them I won’t get different results I’ll only end up driving myself mad as the expression goes.  Today’s energy work was a way of clearing out what no longer serves me so that I can continue to make different choices, to use the lessons I’ve already learned and stop making the same mistakes repeatedly.  When we raise our own consciousness we raise the consciousness of others. 

Arriving home with a few talismans in my pocket from today’s healing experience I discovered a gift in my mailbox; a present from my past self, to my future self ordered way back in early July; which feels like eons ago.  The present is a hardbound, tiffany blue book titled “Don’t Be A Tourist In Paris” by Messy Nessy.  A reminder to my future self that the first bumpy roads I fell in love with were the unconventional cobble stone streets of Paris.