Post Vacation Blues

And just like that, less than 8 hours back in Greensboro I was waking up to a 4:45am alarm, pressing the 8 minute snooze, then making my way out of bed to let Max out, feed him, pull on yoga clothes and hope that i didn't stink too badly for the flow class I was about to teach.  Turning the lock on the studio door I was struck with the regularity of my life.  Teach yoga, go to work, walk the line of trying to appear like a true blue corporate america employee while simultaneously wondering how I can escape the rat race to do something that I'm passionate about and good at, this is my current existence.  That was tuesday, but those routines are my life, and it's not the way I'd picture things and it's not the way I want things to go on forever. 

This time last week I was strolling the streets of nice with an old friend.  Obnoxiously taking pictures of everything and anything I found intriguing.  It was 84 degrees, I was in sandles and a blue dress with no particular agenda of where or what I needed to be doing.  The day had been spent on the beach reading and the afternoon was filled with walking.  I was tired from stimulation and exploration, and hungry.  It was dusk when we finally stopped for dinner both of us eager to rest our feet.  The cafe looked inviting with perfect outdoor seating and as the sun set the street was lit with strings of light.  A cat perched lazily from an open window across the street and we drank rose slowly with little to say content to sit and enjoy the night.  Summer salads looked best and we ate watching the night sky get even darker.  I would have snapped a photo of my dinner, but I was self-conscious of being "that person" and thought better of it, thought that simply eating it was the appropriate thing to do, yet wondering why I was censoring myself so self-consciously?  Shouldn't knowing someone for almost 20 years give you the right to be yourself around them snapping foodie pictures and all?    

After dinner we had an expresso and then tried to make our way back.  To our amusement and vacation joy we had to admit we were lost.  After consulting our dear friend google we found ourself heading in the right direction.   Back in the city square we laughed at our poor sense of direction it was maybe 10pm and the Nice night life was in full glory.  Being a morning person I have a very difficult time understanding and enjoying night life, but the city was glowing with a distinctly different energy than it did during the day and with an expresso flowing through my veins I was ready for a gelato.  We took our gelato down to the promenade and walked a bit and ended up on the rock beach watching the water sparkle and dance in the night.  This was my first non-jet lagged night in the city and it felt good to soak in the evening and it's salt air.  After sitting a spell we parted ways and I ambled back to the hotel. 

That was one week ago.  Today i'm firmly rooted back into my routine questioning if it even happened at all?  Was that real because I'm honestly not sure?  How is everything here the same?  Work is the same, my house, my dog, but worst of all my schedule.  The relentless pull of work that consumes my time and energy leaving me almost nothing left for the training I want to be doing, art I'd like to be creating, letters I'd like to write, blog posts I've started that I'd like to finish.  It's all the same, exactly the same as when I'd left, nothing changed.  

What's changed is that I greedily want more from life, more travel, more time to create art, more adventure, more personal business building.  I'm being greedy and selfish with these wishes, of that I'm aware, but I'm going to keep desiring them.   There's a quote about living a life that you don't need to take a vacation from.  I hate that truth of that quote, it mocks me.  In productive fits I'd tell you I'm working on building that life and it's taking time, but firmly planted in the blues right now I'll tell you I'm sad because I can't build it fast enough.  Yes, it's a spoiled rotten statement coming from a women that just came back from a week of travel abroad and I'm telling you that I want more travel and a slightly different life.  It's spoiled, but if I don't ask for what I want how will I ever get it or make it a reality?  If I don't state the truth of my desires, I'll never get them, so I'm sharing them with you.  

What is it that you want that you feel spoiled or wrong to ask for? I'd love to know.