Sometimes I feel like I must have been born an adult. I’ve had this desire to be “responsible” and reliable my whole life. Never wanting to play with kids my age or do things that seemed juvenile. That’s not to say I didn’t often act my age or act immature, but I remember being very averse to anything that felt like it was for kids or something a child would do. It wasn’t that I wanted to be grown up it’s more like I’ve always felt like a rather uptight grown-up in a little person’s body. It felt like I wasn’t supposed to be a kid. I have the feeling it’s a side effect of being the oldest child, but who knows.
That said I can remember times in childhood when I was completely immersed in play. Finding a beautiful stone calling it an amulet then pretending that I was some sort of warrior princes (I watched a lot of wonder woman and Zena). Then imagining the stone was protecting me in some way as I fought to save my people. I loved imagining that type of scenario and I loved clutching the amulet (the rock I was playing with) and believing it had magical powers. I also remember I considered those rocks toys, playthings even though I also secretly wished they actually had real powers. I remember my little sister collecting random things like stones and feathers that she wanted to bring with her when we’d leave the house but I considered that too childish and silly, certainly not something I’d ever do. I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood aversion to being a kid and specifically that memory of playing with beautiful stones and rocks and wanting to believe that they had magical powers that could heal or protect after listening to a podcast episode of the Lively Show with a scientist explaining the scientific reasons why crystals work.
About a year ago I indulged myself in a few crystals after a particularly healing meditation/Reiki session with Sky Bradshaw where I had a few colors flash into my consciousness. She suggested I find crystals that mirrored the colors I saw and put them somewhere that would remind me of the experience, of the healing. In some ways I felt really silly buying crystals. I remember thinking “well, I’m going full witchy woo-woo now, I better just own it”. There was one orange crystal I bought that I felt the need to hold close regularly, I put it next to my bed. Over the last year whenever it catches my eye, occasionally before bed or first thing in the morning I pick it up and hold it and that feels right for some odd reason. I’ve often wondered why I felt drawn to hold it, but it’s like my intuition is telling me to embrace it and go with it so that’s what I’ve been doing.
After listening to the scientist explain how crystals work she suggested that we should be like children. She suggested not to worry about what a crystal means so much, and to focus more on finding a color and a shape you’re drawn to and pick that one. She said to paraphrase "be like the little kid that knows when they need to bring the rock with them". That’s when I remembered how averse I had been as a child to taking rocks and stones with me anywhere. Something about the way this scientist explained the reasons why crystals work seemed like a permission slip to play. It was as if I got a permission slip backed by science to allow myself to be more childlike, to embrace the pretty rock because it actually does have magical healing powers.
With her scientific permission slip top of mind, I’ve dropped that orange crystal in my travel bag on more than one occasion. Now I also think about it as a reminder that play and the attitude of a child are really important. So not only am I taking a rock with me occasionally, I’m trying to learn how to unleash my inner child because I know she has something to teach me.