In one week I’ll be 36. It feels like I’m growing more and more into myself with each passing year. It feels like I’ve learned a lot so far and I can’t wait to see what I continue to learn.
I was a little nervous about this birthday. It was my first birthday as a single gal in over 5 years and well, there's something about a birthday that creates unrealistic expectations. I imagine a perfect day starting with a great run followed by a short bit of yoga and mediation. Work would go by quickly and delightfully. I get phone calls from friends and family all day long, I'd feel great, look graceful and poised, and then I'd go out with friends for an afterwork drink and bite to eat and then I'd be in bed happily failing asleep at the perfect bed time of 8:45pm.
In reality I do have a very charmed life where the majority of that happened. No run, yoga or mediation due to a pretty yucky cold. Despite the cold that my have produced unnecessary, but involuntary tears at 7:15am (what can I say I've always had a flare for the drama), I do have wonderful friends and family that made my birthday so special. All of my friends, family and co-workers showered me with FB messages, text messages, voicemails with old high school birthday songs, cards via snail mail (my favorite!), amazing co-workers who stopped by to say happy birthday, gave me a thoughtful gift or took me to lunch, a loving friend who brought a latte to work and went on a short walk with me, another friend who left a sweet thoughtful presents on my door step. I'm even lucky enough to have a good enough relationship with my ex boyfriend that he met me for a drink and brought me a Parisian coloring book and a bright safety light for my bike.
To top all of this off, did ya'll see the sunset we had yesterday, it was nothing short of stunning. I felt like the sky put on a light show just for me.
I'm surrounded by sweet, thoughtful, caring friends. Do I wish I didn't have a cold, and could have started my new year with a run with one of my besties, then a little yoga and meditation, yes, but if that is the worst of my troubles I'm so very grateful.
This year my friends family and co-workers out did my unrealistic expectations and I couldn't be more grateful to them.
Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone you made me feel so loved and so special.
To celebrate my birthday last night my boyfriend and I did a night hike out a trail along the lake and back. When your birthday is on a random Tuesday and you work a job you love and teach two yoga classes you enjoy teaching, it doesn't leave much room for celebrating and reflecting. I felt off. I needed to get into nature, do something out of the ordinary to feel less like a robot and more like a living breathing person with emotions, dreams, goals and desires. I thought the hike would help. It did a bit, but when you are off, well, you are just plain off. I'm not sure if it's the blues, getting older, or what. I honestly don't know what it is, maybe it's simply a feeling that something is off kilter, I get it from time to time and I'd bet most people do too. I'm not telling you this to hear comforting words, I think it's good to feel like this sometimes. It's a part of life. I don't need my life to be a cake walk (how boring). I like this feeling of rawness that comes for a visit from time to time. It's like a little storm that blows in and you must feel the wind on your face, the rain falling down, maybe a little thunder or lightening for drama. Then the sun comes out and everything is greener because of the rain.
You must have the rain for the flowers, you must have the storm for trees to take deeper roots. It's like that in life too. If you don't have darkness how can you appreciate light?
For those reasons it was fun to walk in the dark last night, it seemed fitting. Hiking over dry leaves, stumbling here or there, stopping to listen to the loud silence of the woods and notice how still the lake looked as the moon light spilled over it. The unsaid words between my partner and I. The steady sound of crunching leaves, and the sound of our breath, the flash lights spilling eerie shadows over trees and stumps.
We capped off the evening with a trip to Green Valley Grill, I uncharacteristically ordered a cheese burger and characteristically paired it with an earthy Red Rhone.
Life is interesting.