What do you do with uncertainty that looks you in the face and asks "How are you going to move forward this time?"
To the uncertainty I say, "This time I've learned I need to sit back. Sit my butt down on a cushion, close my eyes and watch my breath". So that is what I do now, I know It won't help to be consumed by anxiety, it won't help to become an emotional train wreck. You have to sit and watch your breath and notice the patterns of thinking that come up in the mind. That is how you move forward, you move forward by surrendering to what is. I know this to be true. I also realize that all of this is easier said then done. By telling you, I'm trying to re-enforce that what I did, the sitting, the being present was the best choice, to continue to remember to practice it myself, but also to show you why it might work for you too.
The sitting, keeps the anxiety at bay for awhile, but sometimes you need something else.
Later in the afternoon my yoga teacher alliance (or something along those lines) investigated the Niyamas. Cleanliness, contentment, tapas, Self-study (I forgot to have us talk about the 5th Niyama, devotion to god! Whoops! Talk about an oversight). Within the context of the Niyama's and the Yama's, meditation, and yoga I realize that for me there is nothing more interesting than my own mind, and by trying to be a more present person I become a better friend, a better member of the community, a better pet owner, and the list goes on. Self-study, contentment, enthusiasm, and cleanliness (Yes, I'm still leaving out devotion to God, I'm not ready to explore that topic in depth on this blog) they aren't just the Niyama's they really do make you a better contributing member of society.
I remind myself of that when later in the day I start to feel like I'm going half crazy...
I have a thought, I wonder "how many times do I need to hit bottom before I'll float" with this thought I know I need to do something else. Something that is slightly close to a sitting practice, but maybe a bit more active.
Those times when I really want to scream and cry, you know, throw a full blown fit like a spoiled child, have you felt that way? Have you ever in your adult life wanted to throw a full on tantrum? I have, I know it's silly, it won't get me anywhere, but it would spend the restless energy coursing through my body. It's in moments like that when I try to remember I can just go for a hike. Never mind that I did a long, long bike ride on untrained legs yesterday, never mind that I taught a hard power flow class just this morning. I know a hike will do me more good than consuming myself with social media, drowning myself in food, drink or conversation.