outside the comfort zone

Leadership Greensboro

Leaderhip Greensboro
Leaderhip Greensboro

For many years it was a dream of mine to go through the Leadership Greensboro Program.  I've always been curious about the program, what participants actually did, what they worked on, the volunteering aspect, the projects that sounded daunting.

Last year I finally begged my boss to let me participate.  It's a significant amount of time away from the office as well as a pretty big financial investment for your company if you participate.   Luckily I work for an amazing company and have an amazing and supportive manager who financed and approved my participation in the program.

This program is a lot of work, it's not a vacation by any sense of the imagination, it's a true learning experience.  You are asked to dig deep, not just show up, but get out of your comfort zone, share and participate.  Some of the activities required putting aside personal bias and opinions and opening my mind when I hadn't even realized it had been closed.   Leadership Greensboro taught me more about my community, and more about my individual leadership style.  As a group we definitely had a lot of fun while going through the program, but the part I loved the most was making new connections.  Making new friends fills me up, on the DISC leadership profile I learned that I'm an I.  I stands for someone who values relationships above most else (I don't think this is a surprise).  I now know 44 more people who are unique, interesting, inspiring, and committed to our city and ready to make a difference.

It was a privilege to participate in the program here in Greensboro.  If you are in Greensboro I highly recommend it.  If you are in another city contact your chamber of commerce to see if you have a program like it, it's well worth the time and energy!

Weekly Wrap Up 07.12.13

Simple Breakfast Finished Kitchen

 

Weekly Wrap Up

taught 7 yoga classes taught one private lesson ran 8 miles with my running buddy 7 days of morning pages 3 personal meditation sessions 3 Yoga Home practice sessions penned kitchen before and after penned meaningful monday Amazing parents penned tuesday tidbits painted my kitchen bought a table and couch paid studio bills Bought myself Flowers had a lovely sunday impromptu rendezvous with a friend I haven't seen in a while had an awesome sunday brunch and watched The Tour De France with friends went to Lululemon design night unpacked more of my stuff worked on tasks from The Artist's Way for week 8 worked 45 hours at Lincoln cooked yummy dinners for my parents fretted over my veggie plants cuddled with Big Train

Weekend Wish List

do my presentation at work today! wine tonight on the porch w/ a friend and talking about chicken care go for a run with my running buddy go for a bike ride sub a Yoga class for a friend at the studio saturday morning Go to the farmers market Saturday morning and get a chicken for roasting represent Greensboro Community Yoga at the Earth Fare Wellness event on Saturday see the DUHKS sunday night at the blind tiger read chapter 9 of the artist's way take a nap

Meaningful Monday: 07.01.13

Fear Happy Monday My Dears,

last week was tumultuous for sure.  Saturday when I read chapter 7 in "The Artist's Way" I was astounded with the synchronicity of the topic. "Recovering a sense of Connection" It also touched on Jealousy which I was feeling a lot of last week.

I want to share this passage from "The Artist's Way"

"Jealousy is always a mask for fear: fear that we aren't able to get what we want; frustration that somebody else seems to be getting what is rightfully ours even if we are too frightened to reach for it.  At its root, jealousy is a stinging emotion.  It doesn't allow for the abundance and multiplicity of the universe.  Jealousy tells us there is room for only one-- one poet, one painter, one whatever you dream of being. 

The truth, revealed by action in the direction of our dreams, is that there is room for all of us.  But jealousy produces tunnel vision.  It Narrows our ability to see things in perspective.  It strips us of the ability to see other options.  The biggest lie that jealousy tells us is that we have no choice but to be jealous.  Perversely, jealousy strips us of our will to act when action holds the key to our freedom". -Julia Cameron

Don't be afraid to acknowledge your feelings.  I've been embarrassed by my feelings of jealousy in the past.  I pushed them away, I stuffed them down deep, I thought they were bad and ugly, that I was the one being ridiculous or unreasonable, but maybe I made them worse by not acknowledging them.  I might have missed what was actually the truth sitting in front of me by not letting those feelings bubble up.  By acknowledging what you feel you can address it, work (it is certainly hard work) past it and you can get to the heart of the truth.

I hope that these words will help you on your journey.

Do the work: Sunday 06.01.13

Artwork by Betty Trotter
Artwork by Betty Trotter

When you buy a house that is perfect for you, you expect to feel like this.  But when you buy a house and you are emotionally spent already that might not be how you feel after you've signed all the paperwork and stepped outside.  I closed on my beautiful house on Friday, I signed the mountain of paperwork, promising to pay, and acknowledging god knows what.  As I walked out of the lawyer's office I expected to feel elated, but instead,  I kinda lost it.  By "lost it" I mean tears, not tears of joy, sobbing, sitting in my car looking like a ridiculous idiot sobbing at lunch time for no apparent reason.

I'm not entirely sure where these feelings came from, truth be told they caught me off guard.  The suddenness of the pain was astounding.  Pain, and sadness weren't the emotions I was expecting.  I was expecting elation, maybe even a flood of adrenaline.

I know I've made the right decision, I'm in love with my house.  I'm ready to move forward into the next chapter, but when I walked down the street with my house keys in hand I didn't feel elated, I felt empty.  I felt utterly empty and exhausted.  When our expectations of where we think we're supposed to be  or what we think we should be feeling aren't congruent with reality it can be jarring.

I'm proud of myself for many things in this last year.  I'm proud of myself for doing the work to open my yoga studio and not going completely insane in the process, for working hard at Lincoln, for always putting in the work at the end of a relationship to work through my feelings until they are completely processed.  I'm proud that I am a strong independent women who has the strength and the financial means to buy myself a house.  All of those things should be good, but even still I'm sad and upset.

A caring friend gently reminded me that what I'm feeling is normal, and it means I have more to learn, it means I have more work to do.  More reading, more journaling, more meditation.  More work.  period.  If you ever think to yourself  "I don't need to do the work, I don't need to be more introspective", you're probably in for a big wake up call.  It doesn't matter what your age is.  No matter how much self-work I've done I'm confident there will always be more.  If we simply float through life not looking closely at our emotions I ask "what kind of life are you really living?"  I know that if I do the work now this won't rear its ugly head unexpectedly 5 or 10 years from now.  I've got to dig deep and just deal what is coming up. Self work is not easy.  It's some of the hardest you can do, but I promise it's worth it.

In some way's this place where I am feels familiar.  I've been here before.  Do I really have to learn this lesson again?  Yes, I do.  I must have missed something the last few rounds so I've got to process it out once again.  We get the lessons we need until we don't need them again.  This I'm sure of.  Until I figure it all out, I'll do the work.