Meaningful Monday 08.12.13

gifts
gifts
preparation
preparation
gifts!
gifts!

The weekend is over and Monday is upon us.  I've been reflecting on the meaning of home.  What is home to you?  On Saturday night I had my house-warming party, and I was overwhelmed by the love that existed in my house.  My eyes are swelling up with tears as I reflect on it.  My life is full of tremendous and powerful amounts of love and friendship.  Most of my Greensboro friends were there and the ones that were not were certainly there in spirit.  Getting to share my home, my space with the friends in my life was an experience second to none.

This house I've purchased feels like mine in every sense of the word.  I knew the house would be mine from the moment I spotted it on listingbook.  I have the sense that this house was built 75 years ago in preparation for me.  I'm not telling a tale here that is really how it feels.  Each piece of cedar siding nailed in with love was put in place for me.  The porch in its perfect size was placed for me.  The hard wood floors laid for me, but I still had a task, my task in nesting, my task in making this house my home was to fill it with love.  We brought the love, the laughter and warmth on Saturday.  Each room was filled with perfect caring friends, talking, laughing and being who they are.

As I sat in my living room yesterday reflecting on the party the night before I noticed that the energy of the house had shifted.  I didn't even know that was possible.  The house did feel even more mine.  It felt warmer and cozier, it was thick with love.  This  isn't  exaggeration of words, something changed, the rooms were brighter and happier and I couldn't have felt more loved.

I feel overwhelmed with Love and thanksgiving.

P.s. I have no photos of all of the people in my house because I was too in the moment to be bothered.

Kitchen Before and After 07.07.13

IMG_1216
IMG_1216

I was overly ambitious for my parent's visit this weekend.  I thought we might be able to get the raised bed in, kitchen done and paint my bedroom, but that would have been too much.  We did get the raised bed done, the kitchen repainted, put in a rose-bush, picked up a compost barrel, picked up a couch, and a dining room table and got them put together.

Here are the pictures of the Kitchen,

Before

kitchen Pre-Move in
kitchen Pre-Move in
IMG_1136
IMG_1136
IMG_1133
IMG_1133

After

IMG_1216
IMG_1216
IMG_1217
IMG_1217
IMG_1215
IMG_1215

That's the bright happy new kitchen.  I'm in love with the colors.  The hardware looks great and I'm enjoying it throughly.  I can't wait to start hosting parties.  It was certainly fun to cook in my own kitchen for my parents this past weekend.  There is no way I could have gotten everything done without them. I'm a lucky gal to have such wonderful and supportive parents!

Maybe I'll do the bedroom next weekend, anyone want to come help me paint?

Happy Sunday Friends, -Ish

Tuesday Tidbit: The new digs pre-painting 07.02.13

Welcome
Welcome

Good Morning Dear readers. I wanted to share my new digs with you via Tuesday Tidbits.  I'll be posting before and after pics when I start updating and painting, but here are some pictures to wet your whistle.

Porch
Porch
Bedroom
Bedroom
Pic in the dinning room
Pic in the dinning room
Dinning Room
Dinning Room
Entryway
Entryway
Living room
Living room
TT Mantel
TT Mantel
My new morning walk into work
My new morning walk into work

I hope you enjoyed. -A

Do the work: Sunday 06.01.13

Artwork by Betty Trotter
Artwork by Betty Trotter

When you buy a house that is perfect for you, you expect to feel like this.  But when you buy a house and you are emotionally spent already that might not be how you feel after you've signed all the paperwork and stepped outside.  I closed on my beautiful house on Friday, I signed the mountain of paperwork, promising to pay, and acknowledging god knows what.  As I walked out of the lawyer's office I expected to feel elated, but instead,  I kinda lost it.  By "lost it" I mean tears, not tears of joy, sobbing, sitting in my car looking like a ridiculous idiot sobbing at lunch time for no apparent reason.

I'm not entirely sure where these feelings came from, truth be told they caught me off guard.  The suddenness of the pain was astounding.  Pain, and sadness weren't the emotions I was expecting.  I was expecting elation, maybe even a flood of adrenaline.

I know I've made the right decision, I'm in love with my house.  I'm ready to move forward into the next chapter, but when I walked down the street with my house keys in hand I didn't feel elated, I felt empty.  I felt utterly empty and exhausted.  When our expectations of where we think we're supposed to be  or what we think we should be feeling aren't congruent with reality it can be jarring.

I'm proud of myself for many things in this last year.  I'm proud of myself for doing the work to open my yoga studio and not going completely insane in the process, for working hard at Lincoln, for always putting in the work at the end of a relationship to work through my feelings until they are completely processed.  I'm proud that I am a strong independent women who has the strength and the financial means to buy myself a house.  All of those things should be good, but even still I'm sad and upset.

A caring friend gently reminded me that what I'm feeling is normal, and it means I have more to learn, it means I have more work to do.  More reading, more journaling, more meditation.  More work.  period.  If you ever think to yourself  "I don't need to do the work, I don't need to be more introspective", you're probably in for a big wake up call.  It doesn't matter what your age is.  No matter how much self-work I've done I'm confident there will always be more.  If we simply float through life not looking closely at our emotions I ask "what kind of life are you really living?"  I know that if I do the work now this won't rear its ugly head unexpectedly 5 or 10 years from now.  I've got to dig deep and just deal what is coming up. Self work is not easy.  It's some of the hardest you can do, but I promise it's worth it.

In some way's this place where I am feels familiar.  I've been here before.  Do I really have to learn this lesson again?  Yes, I do.  I must have missed something the last few rounds so I've got to process it out once again.  We get the lessons we need until we don't need them again.  This I'm sure of.  Until I figure it all out, I'll do the work.

New Digs

my soon to be home
my soon to be home

Depending on your definition of tiny, one could say that I've given up on the quest to build a tiny house (actually I'm not sure I'll ever give it up all together).  Instead I'm buying a tiny old home.  1931 arts and craft bungalow It's in the 1000 square feet range.

It's a lot of house for this one little person + dog and her few belongings, but it will give me enough space to do my yoga, store my bikes, and it will also give me enough space to have an actual art room just for artistic creations (not sure what they will mean yet).  Did I tell you it has a fenced in back yard perfect for a few chickens?

Tonight I'm grateful that I'm an adult, grateful for tax refunds and good therapists that help nudge you in the right direction when the whole world feels down right empty. I'm grateful that I'm me. I'm grateful that I will soon have my own little home to nest in.

xoxoxox -Alisha